Home ownership is both the dream and the nightmare of middle class couples everywhere. Can they afford the mortgage? What about rising interest rates? Is the neighborhood and school district acceptable? And what about maintaining yards filled with monster trees that whisper threateningly?


That's where we're at today, here in Strange Suburban Suspense Stories, where we'll find out what life is like inside the hollow tree! Lots of stashed acorns, I'm guessing.


If there's one thing new buyers need to do first, it's to have their potential home inspected by a reputable licensed inspector. A good inspector can spot those wife-kidnapping trees early, while they're still somebody else's problem.


Realtor psychology: steer the conversation *away* from threatening, potentially roof-destroying or wife-kidnapping eyesores, and towards the more pleasing features of a house.


Now that the sale is finalized, the former owner is all but hollering SUCKER!!! at this couple.


When you buy a home, you also buy all the problems that come with the home. Remember to set aside three to five percent of the home's value annually for repairs, maintenance, and evil tree removal.


Most comic book companies want their lettering staff to follow instructions carefully, but Charlton's letterers? The instructions said "strange" and "random," and by golly, that's what they delivered.


Husbands! Is your wife hearing strange voices? Climbing inside hollow trees? Listen buddy. You got married for better or worse, in sickness and health, for inside and outside of weird trees. I say get in there with her and take this journey together!


You can't let the tree man cut this tree down, the tree is starting to groove with some really terrific harmonies!


We almost get a much better story about a tree service man who spends his time cutting down trees and develops a paranoid suspicion that all plant life is out to get him, but Charlton is just going to throw it into a caption and move on with whatever nonsense is going on here.


Shut the door Sheila, this dream house we bought because it was our dream house doesn't even come with a screen door, hardly a dream house if you ask me.


"Sorry I got all "edgy" by asking you to "close the door" and worrying about your health, Sheila. But you knew I was a wild extreme edgelord when you married me!"


It's really easy to fall into crevices and things in hollow trees, between rocks, etc., and suffer serious injury and death, which is why you should never go spelunking alone inside giant oak trees. Unless they can talk, in which case, get in there!


I really want to know exactly what kind of elevators Mark's been on, because this is not typical elevator behavior.


Wow Sheila, thanks for the information that the voices talking about the hollow tree are, in fact, talking about the hollow tree!


tonight on the late movie: JAZZ HANDS FROM THE EARTH'S CORE


The Crosshatch Creatures can't stand Mark's Maglight, which, you know, those things are great. Now let's just hope that "it" goes back up into the tree, whatever "it" is supposed to be.


And then (hand waving motion) they were back in the yard, and everything was OK, and the tree man came back in the middle of the night to cut that tree down, here at Charlton Comics, where things just happen.


The tree was cut down, the stump was bulldozed, and the wood was made into a wardrobe that transports children to Hell, I suppose. I guess the moral of the story is to stay out of hollow trees, to avoid buying fixer-upper homes, and if you need a tree cut down, do it yourself and have someone record it all on video so when it falls down onto your house, or when you fall out of the tree, it will make a YouTube video or TikTok way more entertaining than this comic book.

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